Winter wonderland my ass!!!
But let me explain myself… I left the city to spend the holidays with family and friends in California. While I was away the city was hit with a huge blizzard that covered the city in snow. Apparently this storm had really done a number because it crippled the busses, shut down some subways, and even forced drivers to abandon their cars in the middle of streets (which eventually caused a nightmare for the snow plows). Air travel was a mess with people stranded in airports for days on end. And of course, nobody was happy.
Now knowing all this in California, I was still jealous I wasn’t in city to experience it. I know it would have been miserable, but I wanted to be able to bitch about it like every other New Yorker. God knows I love to bitch, and this seemed to be the thing to bitch about to close out 2010. I wanted to be that guy on the news saying “Dammit Bloomberg, plow my street… I see that your street has been plowed---why don’t you send your plow over to 109th!!!!” But I was in a comfortable climate with friends and family so I had nothing to bitch about for a few days.
A couple days later with no delays and a smooth flight, I landed at JFK on the 30th with Justin in tow. Which, for those of you who want an update, has been very smooth. Despite one little spat as soon as we landed (that lasted with 8 hours of silence), it has been quite nice to have him around. Plus he has nestled into the apartment with very little disruption. I will keep you updated on that saga in the future, now back to the snow. From the airport, we ended up talking a cab (in silence). All of the streets were very drivable, but there was still a great deal of snow that remained on the sidewalks blocking in parked cars. Some of the snow banks reached as high as the roofs of cars. Just another reason why having a car in NYC would be miserable.
Later that evening, when talks and negotiations began again Kevin, Justin, and I eventually found ourselves at the top of Central Park playing in untouched snow. My god it was so beautiful… and that was the last time it was beautiful.
It seemed like gremlins, or I guess I could just call them New Yorkers, had come out overnight and ruined the pristine snow. Then next day had revealed just how ugly snow can get.
Sure I know dogs gotta pee, and I understand that pee will stain the snow a pretty yellow, but just because there is snow on the ground doesn’t give you the right not to pick up the shit too. It seems like dog owners across the city have decided to preserve their puppies precious pooh by letting it freeze and then slowly break down as the snow melts. Let me tell you it doesn’t stay in its tight compact tubular form that we all recognize. The pooh eventually spreads out to an area large enough to reach my sole if I’m not looking.
And as gross as that is, I have been introduced to a phenomenon that is much more horrid---snow vomit. Yes, snow vomit! Just down the street, by the local bar I saw it for the first time. And not that I examined it for any length of time, but I couldn’t help but notice it looked as if the drunk fool had first stamped his footprint into the snow then puked into the bowl-esk depression to keep it contained. But who would go to that much trouble especially when they were drunk? It was until Justin had pointed it out that I realized it was the heat from the actual vomit that had melted the snow on contact, which created the bowl like shape. The vomit has since frozen, and now everyday I walk to the subway I get to see this somewhat fossilized moment of someone’s bad night.
In addition to the beauty of bodily byproducts, the snow banks are quickly on their way to being completely black, and every car and bus in the city is a dingy mess. So much so, that some bus advertisements are unrecognizable. And to top it off, trash is piling up. Trash services have been suspended as the trash trucks were converted into plows. So now on my street, the areas that once contained snow, now have piles of garbage up to my chest that line the length of the sidewalk. Apparently the thought process is garbage is better to look at than snow??? I’m not sure, chicken bones, tampons, and old TV sets make good competition for pooh, pee and snow vomit.
Either way, I’m glad I’m here to experience it. I just hope next time I’m here for the actual storm so I can bitch about that too.
